Reoccuring Revenge

Maybe I really do tend to supress things, as I was once accused of so long ago.

Here’s the thing: a few months ago, my best-friend and roommate Bre screwed me over royally. Blew all of our savings, which was supposed to have been pooled to buy a new place in Conway, to try and convince a guy to get her pregnate. It didn’t work, we all found out what she was doing, and she made off with my car in a getaway scene straight out of a bad B-movie.

Unfortunately, all of my things were left in a storage room in Springdale…and she took the key with her. So there goes all my things: laptop, cellphone (these she stole, personally), clothes, books…all of my life.

Well, I think I’ve done pretty well for myself thus far. My step-mom (who feels more like my mom than my biological, alcoholic mother) is probably the biggest part of why I’ve been succeeding. But I find myself dreaming, constantly, of revenge. During the morning, I really don’t think about it that much…I live in the moment. But during the night, almost every night, I dream of knives, and guns, and torture sessions. She never apologizes, of course, but it feels so GOOD to punish her. I don’t need an apology, I just need to see that blood run and hear the screams.

For all my supposed creepiness, and all my laughing denials to the contrary, I get upset and sickened at the sight of blood/torture/gore/violence. Can’t stand it. But in my dreams, in that situation, it feels RIGHT. She deserves some serious karma-stabs.

Last night was an epic dream…I think she went to a police station for help, and I ended up stealing one of their uniforms, going in and cuffing her and leading her out to a car…all in front of other officers, who didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong…and beating her into a smear with a brick.

I wish I could say I woke up feeling better from these dreams, but I don’t. I wake up hurt and angry all over again.

~ by evoru on November 21, 2008.